Not Rearing Pigs.

[Eurocitizen]

Rt Hon David Miliband MP
Secretary of State,
Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs (DEFRA),
Nobel House
17 Smith Square
London SW1P 3JR

16 May 2007

Dear Secretary of State,

My friend, who is in farming at the moment, recently received a cheque for £3,000 from the Rural Payments Agency for not rearing pigs. I would now like to join the "not rearing pigs" business.

In your opinion, what is the best kind of farm not to rear pigs on, and which is the best breed of pigs not to rear? I want to be sure I approach this endeavour in keeping with all government policies, as dictated by the EU under the Common Agricultural Policy.

I would prefer not to rear bacon pigs, but if this is not the type you want not rearing, I will just as gladly not rear porkers. Are there any advantages in not rearing rare breeds such as Saddlebacks or Gloucester Old Spots, or are there too many people already not rearing these?

As I see it, the hardest part of this programme will be keeping an accurate record of how many pigs I haven't reared. Are there any Government or Local Authority courses on this?

My friend is very satisfied with this business. He has been rearing pigs for forty years or so, and the best he ever made on them was £1,422 in 1968. That is - until this year, when he received a cheque for not rearing any.

If I get £3,000 for not rearing 50 pigs, will I get £6,000 for not rearing 100?

I plan to operate on a small scale at first, holding myself down to about 4,000 pigs not raised, which will mean about £240,000 for the first year. As I become more expert in not rearing pigs, I plan to be more ambitious, perhaps increasing to, say, 40,000 pigs not reared in my second year, for which I should expect about £2.4 million from your department. Incidentally, I wonder if I would be eligible to receive tradable carbon credits for all these pigs not producing harmful and polluting methane gases?

Another point: These pigs that I plan not to rear will not eat 2,000 tonnes of cereals. I understand that you also pay farmers for not growing crops. Will I qualify for payments for not growing cereals to not feed the pigs I don't rear?

I am also considering the "not milking cows" business, so please send any information you have on that too. Please could you also include the current Defra advice on set aside fields? Can this be done on an e-commerce basis with virtual fields (of which I seem to have several thousand hectares)?

In view of the above you will realise that I will be totally unemployed, and will therefore qualify for unemployment benefits.

I shall of course be voting for your party at the next general election.

Yours faithfully,


Dermot xxxxxx

[Mitsui]

Many years ago now I was visiting relatives who had a farm in Wexford, and on the way into the local village someone pointed out to me what they said was the most profitable piece of farmland in Ireland - an unkempt, unploughed, weed-grown field by the roadside. When I asked what the story was, I was told that the owner - a well connected local FF worthy - was receiving six separate EC grants for not doing various mutually-exclusive things in the field, and was the envy of all his neighbours.

[Ronanr]

Are they still doing set-aside in England?

I thought that had been abolished years ago?


The letter is amusing but I suspect that in its original version, an earlier minister for Agriculture was the presumed recipient.

[Eurocitizen]

Are they still doing set-aside in England?

I thought that had been abolished years ago?


The letter is amusing but I suspect that in its original version, an earlier minister for Agriculture was the presumed recipient.

A far as I know it is the original letter ,maybe sombody could check it out .

[Happy Hamster]

wonderfull stuff, as someone who has previously attempted to grow all sorts of veg in my garden, but has only succeeded in feeding the wildlife I may be eligable for back pay.
More seriously, i think that when goverments go looking for cuts the agricultural subsidies will have to come under scrutiny, If they are to keep recieving help it should be linked to opening up the countryside for us all to enjoy (right to rome ,plant more native trees etc ) and should only go to those who have suffered a loss of income Due to changes in legislation and who need help adapting.

Having said that this is not a subject i know to much about, Maybe their are good Justafiable reasons for these payments, What do the farmers say?

[Iarmhi Gael]

Are they still doing set-aside in England?

I thought that had been abolished years ago?


The letter is amusing but I suspect that in its original version, an earlier minister for Agriculture was the presumed recipient.

Been doing the rounds on all websites for last 2 years.

[willoughby]

wonderfull stuff, as someone who has previously attempted to grow all sorts of veg in my garden, but has only succeeded in feeding the wildlife I may be eligable for back pay.
More seriously, i think that when goverments go looking for cuts the agricultural subsidies will have to come under scrutiny, If they are to keep recieving help it should be linked to opening up the countryside for us all to enjoy (right to rome ,plant more native trees etc ) and should only go to those who have suffered a loss of income Due to changes in legislation and who need help adapting.

Having said that this is not a subject i know to much about, Maybe their are good Justafiable reasons for these payments, What do the farmers say?

As it is payments are linked to farmers farming in a way desirable to the EU.

The countryside is open to all however liability makes it difficult for farmers to allow people onto their land when they could be sued for the price of a small farm if something happens to them. Many subsidies are being phased out over the next few years anyway and we will see a radical change to the landscape and countryside if this has an adverse affect on agriculture.