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About LinkBacksPolitics: The art of obtaining money from the rich and votes from the poor on the pretext of protecting one from the other.
Politics: The art of obtaining money from the rich and votes from the poor on the pretext of protecting one from the other.
The Chinese Prime Minister is paying a state visit to Brian Cowen. Just before they sit down to a sumptuous gourmet lunch, Cowen takes his guest to the balcony and looks down on thousands of people milling around in cars and busses and bicycles and on foot.
'Here,' exclaimed Cowen proudly, 'are the masters of Ireland - the people.'
In the evening, Cowen again leads his guest to the balcony. Police on motorbikes are pushing the people off the streets, cars and busses are being forced onto the footpaths. A fleet of beautiful black limousines slowly approach.
'And here,' exclaims Cowen, 'are the servants of the people.'
On a busy Dublin street, a middle aged man bends down to give a coin to a begger.
'Your lookin prosperous, what kind of work do you do?' asks the begger.
'Im the Director of the Bank of Ireland.'
'Thanks very much,' says the begger handing him back the coin, 'I never take money from collegues.'
Two workers were arguing in a canteen in Dublin.
'This is the finest country in the world,' one of them said, 'none of your puppet dictators, none of your palace revolutions. This is a democracy.'
'Democracy?' his mate replied, 'What do you mean by democracy?'
'I'll tell you,' replied the first worker, 'you're going home late at night. You've missed your bus, it's pouring rain and you're soaked to the skin. Just then your boss drives by. He stops the car, picks you up and takes you to his house. He lets you dry your clothes in front of the fire, gives you a big meal and a glass of fine wine, and because its still raining outside, he lets you stay the night. That's democracy for you.'
'And, did that ever happen to you?'
'No.....but it happened to my sister.'
Why do RTÉ reporters go in threes?
Because one knows how to read, the second knows how to write and the third is to keep an eye on these two dangerous intelectuals.
Question to the Director General of RTÉ:
Is there any censorship of the media in Ireland?
In principal no. But, unfortunately it is not possible to go into that question in any detail at the present time.
Brian Cowen is informed by his secretary that two visitors are waiting to see him.
'Who are they?' demands Cowen.
'The Archbishop of Dublin and the President of the Construction Industry Federation.'
'Show the Archbishop in first,' Cowen sighs, 'I only have to kiss his hand.'
Mary Harney was taking a tour of a Dublin hospital and a doctor was explaining all the different functions of the hospital to her.
Eventually, they pass an open room in an inpatient ward, where Mary could clearly see a middle aged man masturbating with great enthusiasm. The doctor quickly instructed the floor nurse to close the door. It was too late, Mary had already seen.
She fiercely looked at the doctor and said, "What kind of hospital are you running here?"
The doctor calmly explained that the man had a very rare ailment, which required him to ejaculate three times daily, or his testicles would swell and he would die. Mary accepted the doctor's explanation and they moved on.
A few minutes later, they came across another open room, yet this time they witnessed a nurse on her knees giving a different middle aged man oral sex. Mary was outraged and called for an immediate explanation.
"It's very simple Ms. Harney", said the doctor. "This man suffers from the same ailment as the last man, however he is on private health insurance."
Mary Harney has died and her coffin is being carried to the graveside by eight men. Suddenly, the lid flips open and her head appears.
'Four men are enough for this job,' she drones, 'if our standard of dying is to be maintained.'
'Listen Mary,' says one of the men, 'the country has carried you and your mad ideas for twenty years and more, so we can carry you for a few more minutes. Let's not make a task of pleasure.'
It is understood that Fianna Fail are considering changing their emblem from a harp to a condom because a condom stands for inflation, halts production, protects a bunch of pr1cks, and gives a sense of security while screwing others.
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