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Thread: Political Models Explained With Cows

  1. #1
    Politics.ie Regular Stevie Chalmers's Avatar
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    Political Models Explained With Cows

    SOCIALISM
    You have 2 cows.
    You give one to your neighbour.

    COMMUNISM
    You have 2 cows.
    The State takes both and gives you some milk.

    FASCISM
    You have 2 cows.
    The State takes both and sells you some milk.

    NAZISM
    You have 2 cows.
    The State takes both and shoots you.

    BUREAUCRATISM
    You have 2 cows.
    The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the
    milk away...

    TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
    You have two cows.
    You sell one and buy a bull.
    Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
    You sell them and retire on the income.

    SURREALISM
    You have two giraffes.
    The government requires you to take harmonica lessons

    AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
    Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

    THE ANDERSEN MODEL
    You have two cows.
    You shred them.

    A FRENCH CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because
    you want three cows.

    A JAPANESE CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow
    and produce twenty times the milk.
    You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and
    market it worldwide.

    A GERMAN CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and
    milk themselves.

    AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
    You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
    You decide to have lunch.

    A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You count them and learn you have five cows.
    You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
    You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
    You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

    A SWISS CORPORATION
    You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
    You charge the owners for storing them.

    A CHINESE CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You have 300 people milking them.
    You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.

    You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

    AN INDIAN CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You worship them.

    A BRITISH CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    Both are mad.

    AN IRAQI CORPORATION
    Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
    You tell them that you have none.
    No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your
    country.
    You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy....

    A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    The one on the left looks very attractive.

    AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    Business seems pretty good.
    You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.
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    A PD Corporation

    You have 2 cows.
    A tiny political party with more ideology than ability convinces you to grant massive tax breaks to your wealthy neighbour who then buys your cows for a song. Then you have no cows, and you will pay stealth taxes on the price of your milk to finance your neighbours tax breaks. And your wealthy neighbour didn't even want the bloody cows.

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    Politics.ie Regular Akrasia's Avatar
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    some guy over at boards.ie posted this in the political theory section and tried to pretend it was his own original idea.

    The hilarity.

    http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthre ... 2055135894
    Actual morality is doing what is right regardless of what you're told. Religious morality is doing what you're told, regardless of if it's right.

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    Politics.ie Newbie spiderpig's Avatar
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    My History and Economics teachers both just gave this out to my class!!

    I especially like the Indian and British ones.

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    Politics.ie Regular Stevie Chalmers's Avatar
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    KACZYNSKI TWINS GOVERNMENT

    You have 2 cows.

    The government shoots one of them, because there
    is evidence that this cow used to give milk to Soviets
    before 1989.

    You can keep the second cow, but cannot milk it and
    sell the milk, because government experts say that
    the cow is homosexual and its milk could have bad
    influence over children.

    You are so pissed off that you emigrate to Ireland.
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    Politics.ie Member baldur0300's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Akrasia
    some guy over at boards.ie posted this in the political theory section and tried to pretend it was his own original idea.

    The hilarity.

    http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthre ... 2055135894
    Brilliant! And he's still insisting he made it up himself. This was on a mate of mine's blog about 3 years ago and he certainly didn't make it up!
    “Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen” - Albert Einstein

  7. #7
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    yeh I read this years ago as well. That's priceless stuff, firstly claiming it, and secondly maintaining that he did. It is very good though.

    Is there an Irish one?

    Your leader has two cows
    His friends give him another one but he doesn't count it
    People ask why they gave him a cow
    He claims it was a sheep
    We need to radically change every system that has enabled the wholesale destruction of the Irish landscape, rural and urban. There is no time for incremental step by step measures. The systems have failed utterly and the only hope for a real recovery requires the rule book to be torn up completely.

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    Quote Originally Posted by alonso
    Is there an Irish one?

    Your leader has two cows
    His friends give him another one but he doesn't count it
    People ask why they gave him a cow
    He claims it was a sheep
    Who puts the 'tit' in repetitive?
    "Be advised, my passport's green / No glass of ours was ever raised / To toast the Queen." Seamus Heaney 1982

    "I'm a bit of a green myself" Charles Haughey 1989

  9. #9
    Politics.ie Regular stannis's Avatar
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    This has already been posted on nearly every forum on the interweb...

  10. #10
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    Ah in fairness it hasn't been posted here since May..

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