Moving Lough Neagh to Laois - a grand plan for a united Ireland and Dublin's water

[sidney waddell]

There's a vast area of untapped population growth in the middle of the six counties - Lough Neagh. Adopting a Dutch mode of thinking, creative nationalists among us should see this as the key to a future united Ireland. And the fact that it follows an idea originating in the homeland of the House of Orange could just make it acceptable to Unionists.

120 or so miles south, sitting in the middle of a nothingness, lies Laois. Nobody can quite seem to figure out the point of Laois's existence. Useless at football and hurling, flat, featureless land, not a place tourists want to visit, sparsely populated, and with high unemployment.

My plan is to have a giant swap of earth and water. Using the Dutch "polder" method of land reclamation, Lough Neagh could be drained and gradually refilled using land from Laois. At the same time, Laois would be flooded and turned into a giant reservoir using water from Lough Neagh. In fact this is only building on an existing idea to build a 1500 acre reservoir in the county.

There would be a problem with storage of excess earth and water during the construction process, but if we were able to store the e-voting machines, this should be no trouble.

Think of the benefits.

Dublin's fresh water supply would be secured forever more. Peace of mind for a thirsty city, particulrly during sunny periods like we've had for the last ten days. A new giant reservoir nearby would also be a tremendous amenity for the capital's population, a chance to go swimming, boating, water skiing. From an environmental and recreational point of view the scheme is a winner.

I would suggest the lake is built in the exact shape of County Laois, therefore far from being wiped off the map, you’d even be able to see the new Lough Laois from space. Although if JP McManus could somehow be persuaded to put some money into the project, the giant lake could well take the shape of County Limerick. JP has had his heart set on a lake in the shape of his beloved homeland for a long time, but has seen his attempts to build one cruelly dashed by planners. Everything would be up for negotiation if the legendary tipster and currency speculator would put in some moolah.

There would be a new supply of rich land in Ulster, with enough left over to build a new large city which could be settled by people dispossessed from Laois and other people from the 26 counties. This new population centre would give us the long hoped for nationalist majority. A new county could be created from the new, called Queen's County, which would make it much more palatable to Unionists and give the former Laois people something real and tangible to hold onto. As far as the rest of us are concerned, we’d be rid of them.

A whole generation of Irish construction workers could be re-employed. Parlon country would be back on its feet. Ancillary benefits would be huge. Breakfast rolls would be back in vogue.

A united Ireland would finally be within our reach. Real, tangible and achieveable. Through the genius of Irish engineering and the legendary hard work of the Irish labourer, we can do it. We built the railroads in America, we built the motorways in Britain. We can build the final part of our nation.

It's your country, your call. All those in favour say “aye”, all those not in favour say “neagh”.

[seanad voter]

That reminds me : the Scottish Tourist Board once offered my mother-in-law £1000 a week to swim up and down Loch Ness.

[Dasayev]

...

I would suggest the lake is built in the exact shape of County Laois, therefore far from being wiped off the map, you’d even be able to see the new Lough Laois from space. Although if JP McManus could somehow be persuaded to put some money into the project, the giant lake could well take the shape of County Limerick. JP has had his heart set on a lake in the shape of his beloved homeland for a long time, but has seen his attempts to build one cruelly dashed by planners. Everything would be up for negotiation if the legendary tipster and currency speculator would put in some moolah.
...

It's your country, your call. All those in favour say “aye”, all those not in favour say “neagh”.

Didn't Fionn Mac Cumhaill create both Lough Neagh and the Isle of Man when he displaced a bit of Ulster's soil back in the day?

As he's no longer around to do the work, I think you're right that we need a wealthy backer if this is to go ahead. And if JP McManus is to be persuaded to get involved then the shape of Limerick will probably be needed, and an appropriate name should be used as well.